Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I have fence marks all over my body
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
