After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize