I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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