Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
