Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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