my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
