Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
