If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
