New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she told me i tasted like america
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
