This is not my ceiling
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
