And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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