Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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