my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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