is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I intend to get homeless drunk
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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