So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
they're like a gay fantastic four
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
