I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
