found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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