His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
