Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
