I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
