I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
