I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
