So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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