I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
