high people should be assigned attendants
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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