im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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