Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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