can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
