The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
