my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize