If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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