so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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