My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
