in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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