"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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