He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
