He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
