yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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