I hate your face
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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