remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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