I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize