No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
