I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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