girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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