You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just had sex bonerless
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
