My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
