Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
