ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
