Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
