i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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