His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You're like the curious george of whores
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
