At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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