Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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