When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
