My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
