Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
im six kinds of drunk right now
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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