If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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