Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
