Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize