i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
