Fine. I'll sleep in my office
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
