Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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