I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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