oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
