I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
