If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
