You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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