god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
