My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
