I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
