That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
