i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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