I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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