he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
