Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
