Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
