wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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