she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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