Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
