My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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