I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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