the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
