Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
