We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
