hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
