last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
