i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
