Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
