Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize