Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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