I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
